


Can You Pay My Bills

by Princessunicornblue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Friday and Rhodey are bros, Rhodey ain't having any of their shit, and very protective of Tony, everybody is getting bills, now ya gonna get wrekt, ya'll should have thought about betraying my boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 15:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15099869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princessunicornblue/pseuds/Princessunicornblue
Summary: There were boxes everywhere. All over the counters, tables, floor, and couches. And more seemed to be coming in based on the back and forth delivery men rolling in more piles of boxes. Going over to the boxes that littered the place, he opened one and saw that it was practically full to bursting with papers and folders."What the hell is this?" Clint yelled as he tried to side-step one of the delivery men struggling to find a way back towards the elevator. "Why is this shit everywhere?"





	Can You Pay My Bills

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my late night listenings of Destiny's Child. Title from their greatest song (in my opinion) Bills, Bills, Bills.

There were boxes everywhere. All over the counters, tables, floor, and couches. And more seemed to be coming in based on the back and forth delivery men rolling in more piles of boxes. Going over to the boxes that littered the place, he opened one and saw that it was practically full to bursting with papers and folders.

"What the hell is this?" Clint yelled as he tried to side-step one of the delivery men struggling to find a way back towards the elevator. "Why is this shit everywhere?"

"This _shit_ are the bills that you have yet to pay." Colonel Rhodes' voice answered. Steve knew for a fact that Rhodes was not at the Avengers Compound with them, so the other man had to be speaking with them via FRIDAY.

"Bills? Bills for what?" Wanda asked as she started to hop and slide between the boxes scattered on the floor.

"Bills for the weapons and equipment Tony made you, the money you borrowed from him, and various other things." Rhodes' voice said. Clint made an angry sound as he kicked a box in front of him. The delivery man exiting the elevator with three boxes on a dolly, startled and watched the archer with wary eyes as he attempted to find a place to dispose of his charges.

Steve opened one of the boxes in front of him and pulled out a handful of papers to examine. It was ridiculous! Fifty thousand dollars for the coffee machine that they used last Wednesday, consultancy fees, weaponry fees, fees for room and board. There was a fee that made his blood boil once he saw it.

"We have to pay _two hundred dollars_ for every breath we take around him?" Steve knew that his voice was fairly angry and loud, but he wouldn't say that he was yelling. He was just raising his voice to a decibel that would promptly convey his disappointment and it simply wasn't him yelling, no siree.

"No need to yell, Rogers." Rhodes' voice drawled from the speakers installed somewhere around this place. "And to answer your question, yes, there is a _breathing fee_ that you absolutely have to pay. Tony is a very busy and important man. He is responsible for the lives and welfare of hundreds of thousands to millions of people that are employed by Stark Industries _and_ his work as Iron Man. He doesn't have time to waste on breathing the same air as you."

"Well, then he shouldn't be breathing at all." Wanda spat. Red mist curled around her hands and the boxes around her causing some to spill over or move away from her vicinity. "It's not like we can pay for these bills."

"Yeah, some of us aren't rich assholes like Stark," Clint growled. "Why don't you tell him to get his ass down here and I'll show him where to shove these bills?"

"You know, you are just _adding_ to the badmouthing fee that you all have." Rhodes sighed.

"Why is Stark giving us all these bills anyway?" Scott finally spoke up from where he was standing stuck in a corner.

"Because he's petty."

"Because he's an ass."

"Actually, Tony didn't make these bills, I did."

Steve wasn't surprised that Rhodes would be on Tony's side, but to go this far into being unreasonable?

"And what happens if we don't pay them?" Steve asked.

"Well, you will all go to jail for evading payment. Anything you own will be sold to the government as payment to the bills and you'll probably have to work it all off in some way or another. It all goes into taxes and things like that. Honestly, I'd just pay the damn bills."

"This is complete bullshit, Rhodes! I can't believe you would-" Clint was cut off by FRIDAY informing them that Rhodes had hung up on them.

 _'Colonel Rhodes was called away for important business by the Council but has asked me to play a recording for you all.'_ FRIDAY intoned.

"And what would that be?" Steve asked.

Suddenly music started playing, causing Clint to groan loudly and curse Rhodes and Tony to the point of a hoarse throat. Wanda used her powers to try and destroy the boxes surrounding them but eventually gave up when more and more deliveries where made. And despite the situation, Scott sang along with the music.

 _Can you pay my bills_  
 _Can you pay my telephone bills_  
 _Can you pay my automo-bills_  
 _If you did then maybe we could chill_  
 _I don't think you do_  
 _So, you and_ me _are through_


End file.
